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The Anti-Candidate's Position on BUDGET & SPENDING.

The budget deficit is something we've done to ourselves, partly in the way we've demanded and been granted various entitlements and partly in the way we develop and manage the budgets in the first place. Entitlements we can't do too much about at the moment, and don't get us started on Social Security.

But as for the budget itself, the discretionary budget, the entire system of planning and review is built to increase spending year by year. Not just because every government program has an unstated aim of "continued existence," requiring justification and lobbying and exaggerated reports of its benefits to all mankind (and one or two alien species as well). But because of two rules of thumb drilled into everyone:
  1) If you didn't spend all the money you were budgeted this year, then you obviously didn't need it and therefore don't need as much next year.
  2) If you did spend all the money you were budgeted this year, then obviously you need more next year. Based on those two rules, every government worker worth their salt is predisposed to spend their entire budget -- and going over budget a little doesn't hurt -- so their department will continue to thrive.

After all, that's easier than actually planning what you're going to do and then living up to the plan. Heavens, that would require work -- and some government workers seem to be allergic to work. (As a government worker, we're very comfortable making that assertion. Make of that what you will.)

Now, we recognize that some contingencies are hard to plan for. It's difficult to foresee which of a half-dozen hurricanes that hit the country in a given year are going to strike major populations centers, and if we turn out to get a dozen hurricanes, so much the worse. It's hard to know when a bunch of religious nutjobs will be whipped into a frenzy of vengeful service to their vengeful god by malicious shamans preaching blood and destruction, and decide to fly human-populated self-guided missiles into major office complexes. So, yes, emergencies will happen and we need to take care of them accordingly.

But we can do "business as usual" a lot better. For starters, the people in charge of governmental enterprises -- directors, project managers, heads of agencies -- should be rewarded on the basis of how much of their budgets they return to the Treasury, while those who overspend should have to explain their malfeasance and possibly justify their continued employment.

What would help even more is the use of "multi-year" money: if funds didn't "disappear" at the end of the fiscal year, agencies wouldn't engage in spending sprees every August and September. Imagine if you knew your bank accounts were going to be zeroed out on September 30th -- and then imagine that you also knew that come October 1st, you might not have any money because you have to wait for the people in Washington to decide to give you some. Wouldn't you spend all you had in order to carry you through the first few months of the next fiscal year? Of course you would. And as we said, we've done this to ourselves.

We could let departments carry forward a percentage of their budgets, but that would be treating them as if they were responsible adults -- and we're not sure the government is built to do that. Instead we treat them as if they're irresponsible and feign surprise when that's exactly how they act. Shame on us.

"That government is best which governs least." -- Henry David Thoreau, "Civil Disobedience" (often attributed to Thomas Paine)

Governing least ... we'd be happy to.

CONTRIBUTE TO THE ANTI-CAMPAIGN. The Anti-Campaign needs money for all kinds of expenses: crayons and coloring books, groceries and gasoline, neckties and Net access. Send your non-tax-deductible donations with the full confidence that we will treat your money as our own and spend it on whatever we want -- like expensive dinners at which we will entertain only ourselves. It'll be just like the real government, only this time you gave your money voluntarily. In fact, be sure to write "gift" in the memo block of your check. Any contributions are not tax deductible; repeat, not tax deductible; I-tell-you-three-times, NOT tax deductible. We appreciate your money. (And you, too, of course ... but we really appreciate your money.)

Want more information on the Anti-Campaign? Want to be added to the list of potential anti-running mates? Want to be considered for a position in the anti-cabinet? Contact the GrayMan, but notice that the e-mail address is set up to avoid spammers; be sure to fix it so it's in the proper format. If we get your message, we'll be happy to answer your questions. (Maybe.) (Sometime.) And we'd be honored to address your club or organization or class to discuss the Anti-Campaign. (For a small honorarium, of course.) (And a meal.) (And maybe baked goods.)

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March 2010

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